What Type of Singer Am I?
October 15, 2008
A silly question you might ask given that I’m 31 (soon to be 32) and I’ve been singing all my life. But the answer is: I don’t really know. I once resorted to a palm reader (yes, I have been that desperate) when I was having a directional life crisis. I don’t remember much of what she said – except for one thing: “you’re like a swan really – on the surface you seem to glide along - but underwater your legs are paddling like mad”.
Over the years that image has popped into my head a number of times and anyone who knows me will understand what it means: sane on the outside, bit of a nutter underneath. The trouble with me is that I have to be the best at everything I do and I get distracted easily. In the last week, I’ve started to research how to break into content writing, train as a speech level singing coach, start up an Acupuncture practice, train as a Chinese Herbalist, work as a report writing guru for a Retail company … all this on top of wanting to be an extraordinary singer. I’ve got this bizarre, manic drive and I can’t calm it down.
My better half once suggested I take up a “relaxing” hobby. Something that I can just do and enjoy – to cut down my self-imposed stress levels. So I took up tropical fish keeping. Three weeks later, and I was knee deep in books about water hardness, lighting, reverse osmosis water, breeding cichlids, rearing aquarium plants … etc. I know a hell of a lot about tropical fish and plants, but now my aquarium hobby is not a hobby anymore: its a source of stress. As I wander past it each morning to make breakfast, the thin strands of angel hair algae and my growing snail infestation catch the corner of my eye and ruin my breakfast. So I look out of the window, but even if that does draw my attention away from my failing fish keeping hobby - oh no, there’s an overgrown garden and a load of dead trees to highlight my failure as a gardener.
And this is my problem as a singer. In one week, I might watch the X-Factor and marvel at Laura White’s style and range … go to a jazz concert and end up vowing to be the best scat singer on the planet and then catch a clip of Patty Griffin with her soulful folky tunes and think “I wanna be a folk singer”. I also want to write songs …
So where does this leave me? I did go on a transcendental meditation course a year ago – and was startled at the ease with which I learned to meditate and the amazing sense of calm I felt. So I’m thinking of going back to my secret mantra, and setting myself a target of meditating 20 minutes, twice a day. I’ll let you know how I get on … perhaps in the depths of my own psyche I might discover finally what type of singer I am 
October 16, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I don’t imagine that Transcendental Meditation will change your personal style — you will probably always have an eclectic approach to life — but it will help you develop greater clarity about what’s important to you, and it will go a long ways towards reducing your anxiety and infusing peace into your daily life.
Your blog entry suggests that you have many interests, and I imagine that you always will. Over time, regular meditation should engender a much greater feeling of tranquility, so you don’t feel driven to pursue one thing after another. You may still do many different things, but you won’t feel so compelled to define yourself by what you do, to “become” a specific someone or something. You already are who you are — a beautiful human being. Your “salvation” won’t be found in doing this thing or that — it will be found in discovering the infinite freedom of your eternal Self. Maharishi has often compared the mind to an ocean, with waves on the surface supported by the silent depths. If we are unaware of the depths, all we experience is the tossing of the waves. Through regular meditation, our awareness becomes established in the silent depths; then anything can happen on the surface without disturbing our inner peace.
The swan image is compelling — the calm exterior, the “paddling like mad” underneath. In India, the swan has a completely different symbolism. It is a symbol of an enlightened human being: it swims through water, but its feathers remain dry. Similarly, an enlightened person lives in the world, yet is unaffected by life’s ups and downs. The swan is also mythically credited with the ability to separate milk from water, just as an enlightened person takes everything in, but discriminates the eternal from the non-eternal. The spiritual association is further emphasized by the swan’s extraordinary grace, moving almost as if suspended above the water’s surface, which evokes the detachment that is the result of meditative practice.
If you haven’t meditated in a while, I encourage you to get in touch with your teacher or the local Transcendental Meditation center and get your meditation checked. It is a delicate practice that needs to be done in a completely effortless manner. If a little effort or strain creeps into the practice, you won’t get the same remarkable benefits (see http://www.tm.org/discover/research/summary.html), and as a result you are less likely to continue the practice regularly.
Good luck on your journey!
October 17, 2008 at 8:31 am
What great advice – I feel a renewed sense of vigour to meditate again.